Updated: Dec 14, 2018
Because recently a coworker told me during my shift that he didn’t like the color of lipstick I was wearing. He did not apologize for hurting my feelings, fiercely asserting that he didn’t do anything wrong. That what he really meant was “I was trying to say that a different color would have suited your beautiful complexion better— as a friend. I thought we were friends.” I understand what he was trying to do, but it came across to me as a criticism. And my response, had I not gotten so upset, would have been, “please in the future, think of how you address women.” What cultural and societal climate have we created here where he — unprompted— felt perfectly in his right to say “I don’t like this about your physical appearance.” ? And the disturbing fact that--- what he said will go unchecked by most… (🤢) And say if I did in fact have an angry response that night (which I did - 🙋🏻), the collective reaction has, more so than not, disgustingly been … “Jeez, what’s wrong with her? ” (which it kinda was)
He didn’t consider his statement in any way insulting. And I did— but I think mainly because of my disgust on a larger/big picture scale. I find it appalling that some men actually feel comfortable enough to, without solicitation, point blank tell women their opinion about what they don’t like about her physical appearance, or something that they feel needs adjusting, dare I say, telling women to “smile.”
I wonder if these men tell other men to smile, what outfit suits their figure better or even the classic, “you look tired.” Hmmm.... kinda as if, oh God I don’t know, they were conditioned to believe that women are pretty much just here for their viewing pleasure.... ? I am so exhausted with men who think and behave this way.
Now, having said that, it’s hard to blame them for this. The media/advertising gods/men and meekly complicit women of this past century and beyond have successfully jammed down society’s throat — exactly the way women have been viewed under this glorious patriarchy. But all is shifting thankfully, and a shit ton of women are pissed off and don’t believe these bullshit lies anymore— "that their worth is so entirely wrapped up into what they can offer to men." This moment the other night was highly triggering for me as woman for many reasons -- As an actress, there's so much approval based decisions regarding my look that directly affect my opportunities to work, etc; hundreds of thousands of commercials and advertising platforms geared directly at telling women that they're not good enough unless they have this product. You're not good enough until you look THIS YOUNG, you're not good enough, period. If you want the man of your dreams, you better look this hot, and most, most most importantly -- this youthful.) Fuckin bullshit.
I've realized that unless you step foot into this world with a strong sense of who you are... just like guys... You end up being raw, malleable and influenced by everything around you, perhaps even by what is the loudest or most consistent. And if all that fodder is not checked or questioned, it all becomes your belief. And so on.
Anyways. Regarding angry women: I think a lot of guys are super confused about this right now, and for those who feel like a rug has just been ripped up from under them, I feel sorry for ya, bros. But also. It’s time to wake up, son.
So... as a collective, it’s really time to question our behavior and how it relates to our moral compass and integrity towards EVERYTHING. The old ways of that pathetic patriarchal behavior and way of thinking is dying. Hallelujah! Which basically means... you can't really get away with being an affront to human rights/being an asshole anymore.
So. Let’s have some consideration, consciousness and awareness about what we’re saying TO and ABOUT others— women, men, LGBTQ, races different from yours, minorities, those who are handicapped… (those derogatory or slang references that are actually incredibly offensive).
Put yo'self in that other person's shoes. Before you open your mouth??
We’re all human beings, can we all just start there, please?
When there is true understanding on polar/opposing viewpoints and we take the time and heart space to listen and really, truly get it/understand the other side and where they’re really coming from—compassion can swoop in. And lightbulb! A collective change can spark. ⚡️ one can hope!
The goal, is really to meet in the middle. And also, to release the NEED to be right. I'll say that again. RELEASE THE NEED TO BE RIGHT.
How’s about we speak to others in words of empowerment?
Here’s a handy dandy list of compliments (below) that have nothing to do w physical appearance-to reiterate the fact that whomever you’re speaking to has ultimate worth and that has zero to do w what they look like. (if you feel like compliments have always come out of your mouth appearance based...)
You are enough exactly as you are.
Thank you. 🌊
PS. My dear, conscious-awake-men friends: Please call out other men who can behave better. They will listen to you.